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Encounters with mean insults and unkind comments can be tough to handle, but responding
with clever comebacks can turn the tables and help you maintain your composure. Whether
it’s a snarky remark from a friend or a stranger, here are 33 clever comebacks to have in your
arsenal:
1. “Well, aren’t you just a fun-sized barrel of monkeys?”
2. “You must have a really good mirror to be that confident.”
3. “If I wanted to listen to an [insult], I’d talk to a parrot.”
4. “I’m not saying you’re stupid, but you have a Ph.D. in it.”
5. “You’re the human version of a participation award.”
6. “It’s fascinating how you don’t care about what anyone thinks about you. Or anything,
really.”
7. “I’d agree with you, but then we’d both be wrong.”
8. “You’re about as useful as a screen door on a submarine.”
9. “Don’t let your mind wander; it’s too small to be let out on its own.”
10. “Is your ass jealous of the crap that comes out of your mouth?”
11. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
12. “I’d give you a nasty look, but you’ve already got one.”
13. “Your lack of empathy is truly impressive.”
14. “I’m sorry, what did you say? I can’t hear you over your own obnoxiousness.”
15. “Your opinions matter so much to me that I stopped caring about them five sentences
ago.”
16. “If your IQ were any lower, we’d have to water you twice a week.”
17. “You’re proof that evolution can go in reverse.”
18. “It’s incredible how you take ‘I don’t care’ to a whole new level.”
19. “I’d agree with you, but I think we both know that would be a mistake.”
20. “You must be a prime candidate for a low-budget horror film.”
21. “If you’re going to be two-faced, at least make one of them attractive.”
22. “I’m not sure what your problem is, but I’m sure it’s hard to pronounce.”
23. “You’re like a human on a soft diet, all mushy and easy to digest.”
24. “The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s butt and wait.”
25. “You must be related to Medusa because looking at you turns everything to stone.”
26. “You’re so dense that light bends around you.”
27. “Oh, I’m sorry, did my indifference interrupt your whining?”
28. “If you spoke your mind, you’d be speechless.”
29. “You’re not stupid; you just have bad luck thinking.”
30. “I used to be a people person, but people ruined that for me.”
31. “Your presence here today is offensive, and don’t even get me started on your
performance.”
32. “It’s not that you’re always right; it’s just that I like to keep my insults fact-based.”
33. “You should do some soul-searching. Maybe you’ll find one.”
Remember, the best response to an insult often depends on the situation and your relationship
with the person. While clever comebacks can be satisfying, it’s essential to use them with
discretion and always prioritize kindness and respect in your interactions.
